About Me

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Cynical 

1.  Skeptical of the integrity, sincerity, or motives of others 
2.  Negative or pessimistic, as from world-weariness 
3.  Expressing jaded or scornful skepticism or negativity 

I wasn't always like this. There was a time when I was a typical carefree, easygoing Californian, abundant in extroverted excitement for life. I remained active, social, and constantly engaged so as to avoid a mundane and dull existence. My active imagination filled my dreams with countless possibilities for my future life of work, leisure, and love. Yet, funny thing about dreams is, they're just...dreams. Fantasies in our mind of what could be or what might have been, a metaphorical mask for our mind to hide the disappointment beneath.  

Life has an interesting way of altering our perceptions. Circumstances and experiences quickly reshape our views and shred the innocence of our youth, often leaving in their wake a weary and jaded soul. You might say that is what happened to me, but I'm not alone. There are many of you out there in a similar position. And this place is for you. We may love Jesus, but we are jaded, frustrated, dissatisfied with life, anxious/depressed, to name but a few. And all the while we desperately hold it together because, well, we're men and that's what we are supposed to do. 

How we came to this varies with each individual. Personally, I grew up with a mother who suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder. The mental trauma this causes a child is only now recently gaining more attention, but allow me to briefly say this significantly affects a child's mental maturation, causing a lifelong struggle of identity, self-worth, and overall mental health.

 I set this site up as a place for those who share similar feelings of cynicism, frustration, and disappointment. It is a place for me to share my thoughts, insights, aggravations, feelings, etc. I will be open, honest, and most terrifying for me, vulnerable. This is not a place for everyone. I do not speak Christianese and I will not sugar-coat. This may offend some, but speak to others. My primary audience is men of faith who are tired of the mask we are forced to wear at work, home, and church. I intend for this to be authentically insightful and gritty. I won’t pretend to have all the answers (if any at all), but at least there is solace in knowing we are not alone. I hope you enjoy the content and I look forward to this journey together.